Coming out of a "meh" stage - part 2

Following on from the post I began the other day and then lost thanks to my computer doing weird things and deleted an entire block of my post!

I've been feeling really flat lately and small things have quite upset me so I've taken it upon myself to withdraw from forums etc and just do things that make me happyI feel I'm on the improve now so am throwing myself back into things again.I've also used my time out to focus on the girls and the house and as such we have a much more organised looking house and my girls I'.......................Just typed a huge post and my computer buggered up and deleted half of it. Will try it again later

So the girls and I have spent a bit of better quality time together. We've spent hours outdoors with them giggling and happily playing. We made up a bath with Gelli Baff and they had a play in that. Gabriella did NOT like the stuff but Ashleigh would have stayed in all day had it not been getting cold!

I've continued trying to teach Ashleigh how to do cartwheels and therefore demonstrated them myself over and over again (and am still yet to experience painful muscles!)

We've baked together... well, I've baked and they've helped clean up by licking bowls, spoons, measuring cups, whatever came their way

I think one of my biggest contributing factors to mehness is lack of sleep. Given that I've had at least a few weeks of very little sleep its hardly surprising that things get easily on top of me.

I then had 2 nights of reasonable sleep and felt even more exhausted but happier at the same time. Last night was a horror night again and tonight is suspiciously sounding the same with Miss S seemign unsettled already.

I just find myself feeling flat and then simple things make me feel worse. I then need to make sure I take a step back and try to focus on the big picture again. I have to make sure I don't let those small (and often seemingly innocent to others) things get to me. Leaving something at night and getting back to it the next day can make it seem so much less significant adn therefore not bother me so much.

I also find myself kicking myself for expecting more of Ashleigh than I should. She is such a mature little being that I have to remind myself that she is only 4... nearly 5 and not a teenager. Both hubby and myself expect more of her than we should and I think I remember it more when I can sit back and see what he expects of her rather than just working through the day by myself as I most often do. I feel that we can be quite unfair of our expectations of her and as such she can feel pushed and then we have the behaviour issues.

A classic example of this would probably be this morning. She got up quite early (6.13 if my blurry eyes and memory recall correctly) and got Gabriella up as well (she lifts her out of her cot and lets her free). An hour or so later I went into her room for something and noticed that her bed was wet. When I asked her about it she told me that her water bottle leaked. I then noticed a pair of knickers had been hidden away in the bottom of her wardrobe. She'd had an accident overnight and rather than it being a simple thing to tell me and we change her bed, she had felt she needed to hide it. Now, that screams to me that she is worried about now being as grown up as we are demanding of her. I had a talk with her about it being ok to have accidents now and then, she's been dry for ages now so its not a problem. She just needs to let me know and we can deal with it but we can't go hiding wet underwear as it will make her room smell yucky etc. She solemnly listened to me and agreed and then it seemed that a weight lifted off her shoulders - the rest of the day was mostly lots of giggles and fun.

I hate to think that my moods affect my little girls but I know that they must. For the most part I try very hard to keep a buffer zone between the girls and my attitude but sometimes.... to be honest, far too many times lately, it has stretched out and engulfed them as well. Its just not fair to expect a nearly 5 year old and a very nearly 2 year old to understand that so I must focus on being a better mum to them in that respect.

Time to focus thoroughly on getting wwell and truly out of the mehness and into the yayness

I think another think that affects me is the lead up to a birthday. Firstly I am focusing hard on getting the party together but I'm also thinking about how quickly the years are going and how fast my little girls are growing up and that makes me sad. I adore the little people they are becoming but I feel I've let too much time slip by without making the most of it. Another thing that MUST change.

And that is tonights Meh ramble